Page 126: Are we really only products of our environments? This was our original blog post. Revise/rewrite that post now that you have finished the book.
"Do you think that we're products of our
environments? I think so, or maybe products of our expectations. Others'
expectations of us or our expectations. I mean others' expectations that you
take on as your own. I realize how difficult it is to separate the
two. The expectations that others place on us help us form our expectations of
ourselves.” Wes Moore
I agree whole heartedly with Wes when it comes
to expectations. The expectations others place on us, really do help us form
expectations of ourselves. The sociologist Charles Horton Cooley coined the
concept of the ‘looking-glass self” which he explained as individuals
developing their concept of self by observing how they are perceived by others.
this concept suggests that social settings help build your self-image and
expectations. Judgement we receive from others are used by us to measure our
self-worth values and behavior. I believe that we are products of our
expectations whether those expectations are our own or stem from others.
What I expect from myself has always guided my path in
life. Be it with my education or my home life, I always had high expectations
of myself. I grew up in a violent home and eventually in a one parent household
and at one point on the verge of homelessness. All those factors along with
raging teenage hormones, were breeding ground for a hard life. Because I knew
that my mother had high expectations of me and always encouraged me to get up
and go get, I knew I could not allow my environmental factors to dictate my end
in life. Wes More’s beginnings and his parents’ expectations were a big factor
in his success in life. On the other side the other Wes More’s environment
coupled with the expectations were the determining factors in his life turning
out the way it did.
Wes More said “Someone, at some point, put those
expectations in our minds and we either live up to them, or live down to them.
The only difference in my life was that there were people who were willing to
hold on to my long dreams long enough for me to grow and to mature and to find
out that they, too, were my dreams" Wes more This
resonated with me so strongly because when I think of how hard it was for me to
make the decision to return to school as an adult, it was the people around me,
my support system, my son who was watching, knowing that they all had high
expectations of me, those were the reasons why I pushed even when I didn’t want
to.
Like Wes, not having my father in the home, affected
my life greatly in many negative ways. I chose to use his absence as a driving
force for my life. I always wanted to show him that his leaving did not create
a failure as he thought it would. He believed that if we chose to stay with my
mother when he decided to abandon the family, that we would turn out to be
failures. What he didn’t realize was there was more than just HIS expectations
at play. My mother’s expectations and more importantly my expectations of
myself would greatly outweigh his and outweigh my unfortunate life
circumstances.
“There is no one thing that leads people to move in
one direction or another. I think the best we can do is give our young people a
chance to make the best decisions possible by providing them with the
information and the tools and the support they need.” Moore, Wes Page 416
epilogue
I feel this was the best wrap up to the question of
circumstance versus expectation. Give people the guidance needed in life and
allow them to decide what route they’ll take.
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